Ranting, whining, complaining... Call it what you will

The football gods who dictate Premier League were kind to me for a change, ensuring that there were no matches for the weekend I was out of town. But that in no way meant Liverpool were out of range of discussion, as the witnesses to my delightful drunkenness will inform you. Endless toasts of the endless drinks to my club were watched with amusement and perhaps a bit of head-shaking despair (I’m assuming this, as I was too far gone for the memory to be of any use). But the best part by far was the desperate attempts by my buddies to make me drink water so the alcoholic content of my body would be balanced out. “Drink this water for Liverpool!” they kept saying, and I dutifully put the glass to my lips, saying ‘For Liverpoooooool!’ all the while. Madness, I tell you. But also a deep-rooted football love. The next day I was told how the discussion soon changed from one of starry-eyed football insanity to a serious discussion of club profits, investments and stocks in football clubs, where I spoke earnestly, eloquently and passionately about how it all works. Since I can’t claim to have much knowledge of these kind of things in my current sober state, it only follows that my intelligence shoots up when I drink.

Anyway, it’s clear Dirk Kuyt doesn’t have even a quarter of my smarts. The idiot is ruled out of action for four weeks – including the small matter of Manchester United next Sunday – because of an idiotic scissor-kick stunt in training. Not that he would’ve got himself a bunch of goals, but, just like when you go to a multi-cuisine restaurant and don’t intend to eat everything on the menu, the fact that you have options are nice and necessary.
The final part of this rant is a reference to ‘The Reds’ I saw on a football website. With keen interest I clicked on the link, only to see it was an article about THAT club from Manchester. I will sue. This is blasphemy. This is libel. This is the lowest incorrect references can sink to. This is wrong. Grrrrrrrr.