I'm amazed almost as much as I'm amused. Oh, and YNWA

It could be just Bob Marley singing in my ear about Weed or Red Red Wine or Smokin Pot, but each bit of seemingly depressing Liverpool news this morning has made me giggle like a baby on crack. There’s a dude, no doubt a beefy red-faced English bloke who typed out those words while sitting at his keyboard with his third beer of the morning, who has put money on Liverpool being relegated, as I just read on a football website. He cited the example of Leeds, and I can just imagine him grinning a disgustingly evil grin and rubbing his hands in glee while contemplated the prospect. Well, it won’t happen. I won’t allow it.
Then, there are many who want Roy sacked already and sadly enough, they’re all Liverpool ‘fans’. I don’t get this outpouring of invective against poor old Uncle Woy. Two games into the season and you want him gone? He came into a debt-laden club with no signs of new ownership, a bunch of unhappy players who couldn’t tell their right foot from the left or Merseyside from Milan, and a seventh-place finish from last season to build from, not to mention a total absence from the Champions League. And of course, there are those annoying niggles of Thursday night football (which just sounds wrong, like a Monday morning date) to far-off countries imagined not even by Hans Christian Andersen. Of course, every defeat affects me as deeply as a flesh wound cutting deep into my soul, but really, even one such as me liable to extreme ways of thinking about Liverpool isn’t asking for the manager’s head. Get a grip, all of you.
I can’t believe nobody wants to buy the club, though. If I had the money I would do it in a heartbeat. And call it my imagination, but doesn’t it seem like there’s a far too frequent Chelsea presence around us lately? First, there’s our chairman – who’s a season ticket holder down at Stamford Bridge. Then, the guy who was co-ordinating the Chinese takeout, I mean takeover, Peter Kenyon – the former Chelsea man. Of course, no negotiations were seen through to a successful end. Was it really that surprising? Why don’t the men in charge notice these things? Put me in control there and all will be right in a month, two months tops.
The second bit of laughable news comes from an article I read about Jose Mourinho. The man with the smartest overcoat in the world had this to say about us when asked if he would consider managing affairs this side of the Mersey: “Liverpool is not the club for me. I know why, but I cannot tell you,” he said coyly as he adjusted his fake eyebrows and checked his hand-held mirror for any stray eye make-up. Ok, I made up that last bit, but really, who talks like that?
Up next: A Liverpool fan’s guide to survival this season, not from relegation (we’re safe), but from the other annoyances that walk the earth, Manchester United fans in particular.